This is my first blog. It is about an event in my life that
happened in July 2014. It is
bittersweet. I include this first since God’s face was seen clearly to me
several times during these events. It is
bitter when I see the temporary nature of the people, places and things that
pass out of my reach in this world within the space of a single breath. It is sweet when I see the hand of God in the
small things near me, knowing all is well in his kingdom.
My sister Carol was a former ballerina and she passed away at the age of 58. We had not been very close over the years yet during
her last year we grew very close.
Despite the fact that Carol lived in Arizona and I lived in Alabama, we formed
a special bond at the end of her life. I
am writing about that bond since it extended strangely beyond some normal means
of communication and involved a third party, God.
I was born the oldest
in a family with two younger brothers and two younger sisters. Both of my sisters had been ballerinas. Since
I had always been fascinated by science and math my sisters and myself never
had very much in common. Over the years my sisters and I grew further and further
apart. Carol and I were the only one of
my siblings married (except for a brief stint by my youngest brother) and God
did not bless any of us with children. My sister and her husband always made me
nervous since they traveled in some very dark corners. There is no need to
go into the details. Several years ago
my brother-in-law died of a lung disease and left my sister penniless. My
brother-in-law was probably a bad influence on my sister yet she loved him very
much. My family was glad to see him go
and while I felt a certain relief I also felt my sister’s pain. I remember a
kindness he once did for me near the end of his life and I prefer to remember
him in this light.
After Carol lost her husband she was suddenly left alone
with a large part of her life missing. Because of this she carried a heavy
weight, pressing on her heart and soul. I remember this same emptiness before I
found God, before I was given a wife to share my joys and sorrows. My wife and
I both understood what Carol was going through.
Carol was also left with the further burden of our siblings judgement of
her lifestyle, a judgement she could not escape. Carol was very near emotional
and physical bottom and wanted to change. She had fought hard and abandon many
of her old habits at a great cost to her health. One of her last battles, an unexpectedly
tough one, that she was waging was to quit smoking. On three separate
occasions she almost died from the medications the doctors gave her to help her
quit.
The year before Carol died she told my wife and me that our mom
was on the edge of death and we decided to visit her. Before our trip I continued
to say one of my favorite prayers called the "Divine Mercy" prayer. This prayer is a special one asking for
divine mercy from God the father in his son’s name, thanking him for Jesus’ passion
and death. The prayer can be summed up in a short phrase: “Jesus I trust in
you”. The prayer is said in times of any need, but especially for anyone facing death. It has been known to call down special graces
from God displayed as a spiritual and sometimes physical effect. Shortly after my prayers Carol called and
told me that our mother had, according to the doctors, miraculously recovered. The prayer itself is not magic, just a way of
expressing our love to God and grabbing hold of him during a very hard
time. This recovery was an answer to my
prayer, but also to the prayers of many others. God can answer multiple prayers
at once.
We then visited my family, including Carol. I learned that, unknown to us, we had arrived on the day
before the anniversary of her husband’s death.
Both Carol, my wife and I
understood that God had arranged this meeting. I spent time telling Carol how I
had found God, talking of how I saw his hand acting through so many people,
places and events. I told her how he had strengthened me and I started to teach her how to pray.
We returned home but I now started to keep in regular touch
with Carol. I shared with her some prayers I knew and poems I had written about
God’s power. Then as the months slowly
stretched forward I could see Carol changing, growing closer to God. I watched and knew that there were dark
forces near her, seeking to retain their power over her. I warned her of this
and we all kept praying. The tide seemed to be turning against her. My dad
suddenly developed serious health problems so Carol had to take care of both of
them, taking care of their checkbook and the bills. Eventually my dad had to be
placed in a care facility which she helped arrange. Then her health turned and the years she had abused
her body took their toll. She grew weaker and weaker and many of my siblings believed
she was just being lazy. Deep within my
heart a still small voice told me she was dying.
As I entered the last week of my sister’s life we slowly
began our dance. This was our last dance,
a scientist and a ballet dancer, dancing together over a thousand miles apart, talking
daily on the phone and by text messages.
When the phone rang I would dread more bad news, yet when it didn't I
would dread not receiving any news. Her spirits would sink and I would try and
lift them, yet sometimes all I could think to say to her was “Jesus I trust in
you”.
Carol was checked in and out of the hospital several times
during that last week. I could hear her voice grow weaker and weaker, as if the
dance was coming to an end. Then there came the end of the dance. On that last night I was awakened in the middle
of the night, my heart pounding, a voice inside telling me to say the "Divine Mercy" prayer for my sister. I finished that prayer, another prayer and then my phone rang. It was
my other sister telling me that Carol had just died. The dance was over.
I don't believe in coincidences. God had touched my heart
and had me say that prayer at the exact time just before my sister died. I know
it is a common thing for people to believe that anyone who dies is in heaven. I
believe that we are either moving towards God through the power of His son
Jesus or turning our back on him and moving away. Just as I can not look straight into the face
of a God who created creation, I can not know my sister’s fate. I can believe, however, that it was God that
had me pray. I can believe that he did this for a reason, perhaps more for me
than for her. I believe she is with him.
I will leave you with one last thought. The Sunday after
Carol’s death my wife and I went to church, as always, and kneeling before God I
was deeply moved with sorrow. I then went
and talked with the priest, asking him to pray with me. When we finished I went
back to my seat with a tear in my eye. Looking at the seat in front of me, I
saw a small newborn infant. My tear of
sorrow immediately turned into a tear of joy. I looked into that tiny face and I
knew I had seen the reflection of the face of God. God had winked at me and
showed me that he would now be dancing with my sister.
“Jesus I trust in you.”
Copyright 2016 Daniel Strizak
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